No Explanation Necessary 10 Things That Need No Explanation

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Among the many struggles in life, the fear of worrying about what others will think has the power to stop us in our tracks every time, if we allow it. It would seem that everywhere we look someone has an opinion along with an overwhelming urge to put in his or her unsolicited two cents.

Growing up I remember my Mother saying, “If someone else is talking about you then at least they are leaving someone else alone” or “That person’s life must be pretty boring if they are spending all their time and energy worrying about what you’re doing.” In other words, what she was really saying was ‘get a life!’

Why is it that some people feel the urge to pry uninvited into our lives? They even have the audacity to ask us to explain why we did what we did or chose what we chose? The individuals that do this sort of thing are what I like to call the professionals. I had several family members that used to do this sort of thing for sport, may they rest in unquestionable peace. They know exactly what they are doing with their calculated questioning and expressionless poker faces. There are even some Nosy Nates that like to take our answers and recycle them into bullets for ammunition to fire back at us at a later date in order to injure us with our own experiences.

It’s time to take back our power by no longer feeling obligated to respond to their questions or to feel the need to explain ourselves. It’s our business and no one else’s. It’s a need to know basis and not everyone needs to know. Besides, even if we were to explain ourselves to these folks they wouldn’t be able to understand us anyhow because they simply don’t speak our language.

A dear friend of mine shared with me the response her 90- year- old Aunt would use when people would question her about anything of a personal matter. She would begin by responding to the question with, “Why would you ask me something like that?” At which point the questioner would say, “Oh, I’m just wondering.” Then without skipping a beat her Aunt would say, “Well I guess you’ll just have to wonder,” and then smile sweetly at them. I just love her feisty response; it’s polite, short, sweet, and gets right to the point.


10 Things That Need No Explanation

1. I am what I am. By accepting who we are at any present moment we are standing fully in our power. Whether we are tall, short, thin, or curvy it’s who we are and how we are choosing to express ourselves outwardly to the world, no need to explain. Other people’s opinions of us are none of our business.

2. Our priorities in life. Others may think they know what makes us happy, but the truth is only we can know what makes us truly happy at any given time. Our priorities will shift and change as we do. Each of us is unique and different, and so are our likes, dislikes, goals, dreams, and values. How we chose to prioritize them is our own business.

3. Our relationships are between the people we choose and ourselves. Whether we are single, married, straight, gay, or living with our mother it’s our choice to do so and others need respect that. We might’ve made a mess of our lives by staying in a dysfunctional relationship far longer than we should have. However, when we reach our tipping point we will leave; until then we will keep on keeping on. We all have a different threshold for emotional as well as physical pain.

4. Our beliefs both political and spiritual are our own personal choices. It’s not necessary to try to push our ideals onto someone else. If someone asks us a question in regard to our personal choices, it’s our choice whether to answer it or not. This might open a space for a dialogue to begin where we may or may not feel guided to share. It doesn’t need to work for someone else we believe what we believe and it works for us. In the future, that may very well change and if/when it does we will embrace our change as well.

5. No is a complete sentence. By mastering the art of saying no to everything that is not on our list of priorities we are choosing empowerment and freedom over guilt or obligation. If the answer is not a yes, then it is a no; it’s as simple as that. How many times has someone called you up and asked you for your time, money, or assistance, and you automatically said yes without even thinking only to regret it later? This is a symptom that chronic over-givers suffer from, the need to please, to be liked, or to be accepted. A good gauge to use is to say no to anything that robs you of your freedom and takes your focus away from the things that are the most important to you.

6. Quit apologizing for everything under the sun, especially if it’s not your fault in the first place. Have you ever found yourself dragged in the middle of someone else’s story unwittingly? Even though it doesn’t have anything to do with you, you find yourself automatically saying, “I’m sorry” just to make the other person feel better.

7. Practice self-care by spending some time alone. There are only 24 hours in a day and when we need to steal extra time from our busy schedules we often steal it from ourselves. If we are tired, feeling drained, or in need of recharging our batteries, we must allow ourselves to take this time. Don’t feel guilty or allow others to make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time alone. It’s a necessary part of maintaining our own health and well being.

8. If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. Just because Jane invited us to take a road trip with her doesn’t mean we have to go. Somehow, it just doesn’t feel right. Let’s face it, just because we are friendly with someone doesn’t mean we want to spend all day or a weekend with them. There are some people we need to keep at arms length and not invite them into our inner circle. Years ago, I went on a hiking trip with a new acquaintance. To my shock and surprise she talked the entire time, for a total of 8 hours straight. I couldn’t wait for the day to end and to return home for some much needed peace and quiet.

9. The freedom to choose. We offer no explanation or apology for the personal choices we have made in our lives. We stand 100% responsible for the choices we have made. Life has many different ways of unfolding through the experiences we encounter each day. The choices we are given are opportunities for our personal growth. We strive to make the very best decisions we can make based on our ability, knowledge and experience at any particular time.

10. Agree to disagree. There are times when we don’t always see eye to eye with someone and that is perfectly fine. We are individuals with different points of view. Even though we might not agree with someone else’s beliefs, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are right and they are wrong. The most important thing to remember is everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. It’s our birthright, the free will to chose what is and isn’t true for us. Every time we agree with someone just to avoid conflict we sell ourselves short and that is where we give our power away often unknowingly, in order to placate another. Knowing when to walk away is the key.

If you can make the choice to not explain yourself to others, and in turn not expect others to explain themselves to you, your honoring the individual spirit within each and everyone of us. As we consciously model this behavior everyday we are doing our part to change the world through tolerance.


Shirley Swift-Wilkinson

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“Our purpose in life is to be happy, for when
we are truly happy this is how we change the world.”
-Shirley Swift-Wilkinson

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